There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
