YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dicks are not precious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
