Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
