you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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