i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
