Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
