maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
