I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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