I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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