Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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