That's intense
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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