Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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