True but thats because hes a fetus.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize