waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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