So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you are never too drunk for berry picking
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
