yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
