angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
