If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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