hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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