I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
