Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
