I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize