Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
