I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
