we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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