Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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