i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
