who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
