No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
