I need help removing her.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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