Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
