We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
