My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
