Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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