dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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