We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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