Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
