True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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