The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
