My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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