How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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