I cannot find my penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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