We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
