yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
