I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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