It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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