lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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