whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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