New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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