I wanna bring you to show and tell
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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