When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
