You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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