In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
