my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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