i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
