i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
