I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
