I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
