I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
