How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
