Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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