the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
