I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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