I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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