i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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