he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
