She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
