70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
