a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
