I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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