i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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