I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize