Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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