OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
