Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
